Having honest conversations with your partner about work and parenting is important. I hope that you and your partner had some frank discussions before having kids about what your lives were going to look like once you had them. If not, it’s never too late to start. My husband and I have had these exact conversations, and they have been helpful.

Set Expectations

              Before my son came along, keeping the house clean, working out, relaxing, and having time in general, was fairly easy. Yes, we were busy, but not as much as we are now. Although our lives changed for the better with the addition of our son, our lives became more complicated. Staying on top of the housework was harder, we didn’t have time to work out, and our “us” time was difficult to come by. You may have had similar feelings once you started having kids. It was hard for me, especially with keeping the house clean, because my stress levels are higher when the house isn’t clean. Things became even more difficult once I went back to work.

              When my parental leave ended and I started work again, I had to set expectations with myself and my husband. My husband and I have had many honest conversations about what we need individually and about what our home needs. In the beginning, I was trying to get everything done myself. I put unnecessary pressure on myself since I am the one who is at home all day, and so I must have time to do the laundry, clean the bathroom, pick up the toys, etc, all around my work schedule and my son’s nap times. This wore me out physically and mentally. Although my husband never expected or wanted me to do everything, I felt like it was my job. My husband realized that I was stressing myself out too much, and we sat down to figure out a solution.

              First, I had to set the expectation with myself that being productive at work and keeping my son alive and happy were the two most important things to get done in the day. The housework, working out, and even this blog can wait until later. I still struggle with this since having a clean and uncluttered home is very important to my mental sanity, but I have to remind myself that my son and my job come first.

              Second, we made a chore chart. Yes, it does sound like something you do with kids, but it works for us. For our schedule, it is easier to do a little bit of housework each day rather than tackle it all on a Saturday. So, we put a calendar on our fridge with the chore schedule. Then, when the chore is complete, we mark it off. If I have time during the day to do it, great. If not, my husband comes home, checks the chart, and knows what still needs to be done.

              We also set expectations like putting the house to bed each night, which means picking up the main areas of the house, starting the dishwasher, etc, exercising a couple of times a week after our son is in bed, and my husband spending time with our son while I cook dinner. Another thing you will want to think about is who gets up with the kid during the night, since you both work the next day.

Establish Responsibilities

              Even with our chore chart, we still have some chores that one of us handles. For example, each week, my husband does the yard work and takes out the trash. While it is my responsibility to order the groceries and cook dinner. Yes, we do still help each other with these chores, but we have established whose main responsibility it is. The rest of the chores that need to be done are for whoever has time and gets to them first.

Weekends

              It’s also important to talk about expectations and responsibilities for the weekend. After a long work week, you may both be burnt out and want to relax. However, just because you are tired, doesn’t mean you don’t have a kid or a house to take care of. Something my husband and I like to do is take turns sleeping in. Of course, this may change when we have more than one child, but for now, it works great. We decide on Friday night who is waking up with our son on Saturday and who is waking up with him on Sunday. That way, we both have a chance to sleep in and relax. We also like to talk about what our schedules look like. That way we know how to handle the housework, errands, and get some time to relax or do something fun as a family.

I would recommend being honest and open with your partner about work, housework, and parenting. These conversations should happen as often as needed. It helps you not to burn out, and it will help you avoid being resentful towards your partner. I have seen firsthand how important these conversations are and how they can relieve stress. Remember, you are in a partnership and need to share responsibilities.